God Is I Am

Throughout my life, I heard others say I could not be a writer. It was hit or miss if a teacher liked my writing. I never felt encouraged, I often felt stupid I wanted to write. I even fell into discouraging myself. Now I must admit, I am a self-proclaimed, poor editor, not a spelling wiz and sometimes my grammar sucks! In high school, I would pass hand-written notes to a girlfriend (1970s), and she would send them back corrected with a red pen. Yikes!

Writing for me has been a journey. Not just a writing journey but also a confidence journey. In my 35 years of nursing, I also had a writing journey. SOAP notes full of fragmented, half sentences with minimal attention to grammar, then as a Nurse Practitioner, patient notes and histories just a string of words that made up some sort of medical story/picture. And now no writing skills needed for electronic documentation.
What I am trying to say is, if I allowed myself to stay pigeon-holed then I would have missed the continuous urge to write and tell a story. I did not always know what story I wanted to share, but I knew there was a story inside me.
Over the years, I saved to thumb drives and external drives many short stories, half written stories, not sure it is a story, an unedited murder mystery novel (needs a lot of work), several medical murder mysteries in early phases, and outlines for stories. Somewhere along my writing journey, I subscribed to Hemingway’s philosophy, write while you are drinking and edit while sober. So, when I look at my unique collection of writings, I must say, “I may have had a little too much wine when I wrote that one.”

Finally, I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “you will write no matter how bad you are, it can only get better.” So, I hired an editor. I found him on craigslist and we met at a Starbucks back in 2010. My impression was he was an honest and good person. This kicked off my new journey with my 1st murder mystery. Yes, a motorcycle riding nurse who solves a murder and finds her boyfriend is not who she thinks he is. Rich patiently coached me, sending me detailed information (via email) to lead me in building my story. He kindly edited parts to demonstrate his teachings and always remained calmed and focused even when my corrections missed the mark. That murder mystery is still sitting waiting for me to finish the rewrites. The story is written but, the flaws still run through it. Yes, the flaws Rich so patiently coached me on. Sorry Rich, I still have the emails and will eventually get back to that story.

In 2011 or 2012 I found an old journal that held poems from my teenage years. The longing to write poems blossomed and my blog http://www.godisiam.net was started. As I changed jobs in 2014, I found less and less time to write. My writing moments were brief and limited until the end of 2016 and final in January 2017 I started on my first self-published novel, “The Extricated Soul”. This story nagged at me through the fall of 2016 as I was building my Reiki practice. First, I had to deal with my inner conflict that my writing about the divine healing energy was somehow sacrilegious. And who was I to think I could write something people would like? So, one evening I sat in prayer and offered these feelings up for the Divine to lead me. During my meditation, I felt the presence purge the doubts and open my mind and heart to receive this story. Once I started writing, I found the story flowed, often from 1:00 am to 4, or 5 am. So, I just went with it. I took advantage of snowy days, holidays, weekends and wine. I became a hermit, and on some days, I did not get out of my pjs. Within 6 or 7 months I had a story to send to Rich. And then the real work began. Rewrites, changing opening paragraphs/chapters, restructuring, chopping things out. With each returned manuscript from Rich, I would appreciate the emotionless coaching and the note that started or ended with a statement that kindly let me know it was not ready for editing.

In August of 2018, my e-book was published on Amazon, Apple, Nook, and Kobo for only $4.99. Just recently I finished a review of the paperback proof. The new proof copy will be ready soon. If all goes well, the paperback should be ready for purchase in June for $16.95

The story was inspired by Spirit, taping into my nursing, Reiki, my spiritual life and love of Spirit. This story fits this first-time author who needed to hear the spiritual message written in this story. I am blessed to write, read, and understand the message!